How The Rain Gave Me A Second Chance

It was lately that i let myself shatter into bits and pieces. Like how you let glass drop effortlessly on the ground. That was the state I was left in. Broken.

It was that evening I felt nothing but the warmth of the air surrounding me like a bubble. Caught only in its wrath. But just for a moment only, till the ground showered with snow like chills from the clouds. Rain.

It was also the other time I watched birds fly away from a tree. I pictured myself rid of freedom, memories and thoughts. My brain didn't let me though. The heart was its bodyguard that day. It still is. Mind.

It was never in my dreams to have come this far. To have stayed a little girl would be much better. But the cycle will never end. It will never stop either. By choice or by wants and needs. Never.

It was yesterday I grasped a tug of grass from the lands you cropped. Bountiful, but now empty. Like a void in space only decorated with tiny specks of stars visible a million miles away. Gone.

It was also the day before, that I escaped prison. The one where I was caged in a forbidden entry of delusion and hope. Now its me, my books and good sleep. Finally.

It was also a few hours ago, I felt that fuzzy feeling again. Moments when heat suddenly rushes across your face. Nothing explainable, only felt. First.

It is now, that I am feeling this unacceptable overwhelming emotion of some sorts. Its something about the smell of rain. It always is isn't it? The ability to recalculate every decision, every choice made. Finally, a second chance to be me.

xo
Mavinia

 

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The Garden Before The Wall

 

I have tried a thousand times to be better at this.
I keep telling myself, you can do it.
I guess that is what everyone tells themselves.

I have travelled to places that only exist when my eyes are shut.
I guess we all travel to those places too.
Maybe we are all the same after all.

I was tired of putting things together.
They kept falling into space.
Like puzzles waiting to be glued in place, sometimes a bit of a disgrace.

I found out that I could be really good at something.
I found out I could really be bad at something too.
Fate or Choice? You tell me.

I then imagined a different future.
For this land that we shape to fit our lives.
But then mankind became a thief of kindness, patience and everything divine.

I was once a kid. I still wish I was.
To smile effortlessly at the faces of this world we live in.
Now everything is turning blue.

I have travelled to places that I have imagined only when my eyes are shut.
I guess we all travel to those places too. Yes. We are the same after all.

I was tired of putting things together. Then i realised I didn't have to.

I found out that I could be really good at something.
I found out I could be really bad at something too.
I made a choice. Bad can be good.

I then imagined a different future.
I still do. No more buts.

I was once the kid I am now.
Blue is just a colour and not a sensation from the ground.

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The Dictionary My Father Gave Me

Attitude,
How you react to something means everything.

Believe,
You can do it.

Curiosity,
Is always a good thing.

Determination,
and Discipline will get you far.

Effort,
Will get you what you deserve.

Fun,
Never forget to always have it.

Gratitude,
For everything you have.

Health,
Take care of it.

Instinct,
Trust it.

Just,
Practice it.

Knowledge,
The only thing no one can ever rob you of.

Listen,
First.

Money,
Essential to sustain.

No,
Learn how to say it.

Opportunity,
Seize it.

Passion,
Channel it in the right path.

Question,
Everything.

Rest,
Get enough of it.

Silent,
Is good and also bad.

Time,
Now.

Understand,
and react accordingly.

Virtues,
Know what they are.

Win,
Slow and steady.

X,
I have no idea.

You,
Responsible for your life.

Zealous,
Always.

 

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