Just like the wind your feelings switch on and off, and I don't know what scares me more,
Your ability for being unexpected or my ability to not care about anything anymore.
Scratch that. More like my ability to not love you, any more than I already have.
Don't ask me why I love him,
I don't know the answer.
It feels like cheap thrills. Cheap at times, expensive most of the time. Thrills, always. It didn't take me long to make up my mind. A wanderless fortune of ever after that I have palpitated across my chest and through visions in my head. I keep telling myself to breathe, that it will all be over soon. Faith.
It fells just like a door being opened and shut constantly in your face. A lost smile drained from the figure of you that coils into an escalating laughter. I will continue to fill this place with emotions. This safe place of mine which has become a public box of viewers and sore eyes.
Pour yourself out I urged myself one day. In the midst of sadness and grief you find whom you truly are. In the midst of happiness and joy you find out what you really want most in life.
I asked myself is it even possible to shut the opened door which I have let all my feelings and emotions overflow like a shock wave? No was the direct answer I got. From both my heart and my mind.
The beauty of this whole thing is we will never know until we go the distance. You, me and us. What is the worth of all these words if we were to just give up and move on? Moving on is not in my list of choice. Never has and never will.
Sad stories bore me nowadays after they used to make me ache and cry. I have my own battles and this is worth more than any heartache will ever come by.
So don't just shut the door and leave. Not when the world denies all access to our courage. Not when the world denies the possible thought of even being real.
Surreal is what would come of this. I know so.
I am slowly tracing the keyboard with my fingertips. I don't know what is more intense, to have such a feeling on my hands or having to hear words that send shockwaves through my spine. I believed it lasted only about a few minutes before I heard a distant cry of my soul drowning in the never ending rain. Pouring and pouring like how these emotions have turned into liquid form and taken up the well in your back garden.
Don't you see it was not once nor twice the bluebird came knocking. It was not thrice either that you laid me to rest in my bed of tears and ramshackle of a building. I am not wise but I am whole. From the emotions you have fed me. Of feeling worthy yet brutally useless. I am your slave.
If love could be a single manifestation that is constantly growing, mine would have reached its ultimate manifestation in multiple forms. First, emotions. Second, a safe house. Third, infinity. Infinity. Something endless, without bound and never quantifiable.
If I were to let you in on one secret this would be it. I can't love you anymore. Not more than how I love you now, today and always. This is the ultimate form of love I have ever come to know and its you whom my heart has chosen to pour it out to. You whom left me abandoned and lost. You whom left me found and seen.
I think I have no other ways of physically and emotionally expressing my love for you. So I guess I shall express it in the only way I know how. With words on paper. My tribute to you. My most favourite person.